[Hinata has once again returned to his natural state, which was laying on the ground and staring at the ceiling-- but at least he has his own apartment to do it in this time, assuming Steve didn't slip on him. But he watches the messages trickle in, and felt like he was trying to squint through the fog.]
didn't you see the movie you were in with souda she was there she explained the rules it was a killing game hinata i need to know if she was real
i didn't see her in the mall i check every single arrivals but if i missed her if she's actually here but alone i have to know i have to find her what if something else happens and i'm not there
The detail had almost slipped his mind. Maybe he was intentionally trying not to think about it, putting everything aside for a later day. But suddenly he remembers the details as clear as if he'd really been that person.
He hadn't even though about if Ikusaba had been watching.]
no no no nonn ono
she wasn't real i swear
she
that version of me. he made her. I made her. she was an AI. she's not here.
I don't
I don't know why he made her that way. I made her that way. I think it's my fault
[Her sister. Their friend. His most important person-- and for awhile, Ikusaba's too. Both times, his creation. And someone they shouldn't talk about anymore.]
it feels like it should
no, I'm not helping. forget about it. um
steve rounded up a bunch of old movies and a vcr back when stuff was falling from the sky if you want a distraction or something.
it has to not matter if she were real it'd matter but she's not so it needs to be nothing or i can't
[function. already it's a struggle. she's had to shut down the non-essentials. seeing her like that - natural hair and eyes, but with the right personality - it hurt, and it would hurt exponentially more if she allowed herself to think about all that could have been. if only, if only, if only. she can't think about it, or else she won't be able to think about anything else, for a while.]
[It needs to be nothing. It needs to be nothing... it didn't make him feel better about what his mind and the gremlins' bullshit had brought onto the screen, but it made it easier to... tuck it away. Push it aside. It didn't have to be anything, it could just be nothing.]
I don't really wanna sit by myself not trying to think about it.
and I guess if you don't want to worry about it either
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
<fenrir> after the april event
hinata
are you back
i need to
you were
was she real
<MainSqueeze>
yeah I'm back.
what do you mean what 'she'
<fenrir>
the movie you were in
with souda
she was there she explained the rules it was a killing game hinata i need to know if she was real
i didn't see her in the mall i check every single arrivals but
if i missed her if she's actually here but alone
i have to know i have to find her what if something else happens and i'm not there
<MainSqueeze>
Fuck.
The detail had almost slipped his mind. Maybe he was intentionally trying not to think about it, putting everything aside for a later day. But suddenly he remembers the details as clear as if he'd really been that person.
He hadn't even though about if Ikusaba had been watching.]
no no no nonn ono
she wasn't real i swear
she
that version of me. he made her. I made her. she was an AI. she's not here.
I don't
I don't know why he made her that way.
I made her that way.
I think it's my fault
i'm sorry I didn't know you were watching
<fenrir>
you swear you're not lying
i don't care if you did it that's stupid
it's not your fault
you weren't you
i just need to know
<MainSqueeze>
if she's
if she's here somehow then I don't know anything about it.
I don't think she is
[They'd know if she was, right? Right? By now, surely...]
but that one was definitely fake
I guess it wasn't really me [Though if he's honest, that feels disingenuous to say--]
but I'm sorry for causing you so much grief.
<fenrir>
i believe you
it's fine
it's not your fault
you don't need to apologize to me
stuff like this happens a lot here
you didn't try to hurt me and it wasn't even real
<MainSqueeze>
okay that's fine
[Though at this point he's well aware he's just rambling on his keyboard.]
are
are YOU okay?
she's not here she's not real but
you still had to see that.
<fenrir>
[fine, fine, fine, she's fine. she can maintain. there's nothing he needs to worry about. she isn't going to hurt anyone.]
wasn't expecting her
not like that
but if she's not real i'm fine
it doesn't matter
<MainSqueeze>
[Her sister. Their friend. His most important person-- and for awhile, Ikusaba's too. Both times, his creation. And someone they shouldn't talk about anymore.]
it feels like it should
no, I'm not helping. forget about it.
um
steve rounded up a bunch of old movies and a vcr back when stuff was falling from the sky
if you want a distraction or something.
<fenrir>
if she were real it'd matter but she's not
so it needs to be nothing
or i can't
[function.
already it's a struggle. she's had to shut down the non-essentials. seeing her like that
- natural hair and eyes, but with the right personality - it hurt, and it would hurt exponentially more if she allowed herself to think about all that could have been. if only, if only, if only. she can't think about it, or else she won't be able to think about anything else, for a while.]
movies
?
okay
i can
if you want
<MainSqueeze>
I don't really wanna sit by myself not trying to think about it.
and I guess if you don't want to
worry about it either
it'd be a good way to spend time?
<fenrir>
okay
see you soon