[How did it end...? It's a trial that Hinata would never be able to forget, even if he wanted to. The room around them glitches, stripping away the facade to show the same digital framework in that final trial room. Their classmates disappear, the air fills with dead pixels blinking in and out like a glitching screen.]
....We had to shutdown the program, because otherwise Enoshima would get out again. But doing that meant that I would... disappear. [He swallows.] The others would forget everything that had happened in the simulation, including everything our friends had done for us. N-None of us... wanted to make that decision. So for awhile, we just... didn't.
[He's a coward, he knows. He's not proud of his own indecision. But even now, trying to keep his thoughts calm and collected in the trial room, it's too easy to go back to that paralyzing fear he'd felt before, that had frozen all of them in place. The bright yellow color finally bubbles up inside him.]
...The AI Chiaki was the one that helped me finally make a decision. To keep moving towards the future, even if it was scary.... eventually everything would work out.
[He takes a breath.]
So, we chose to shutdown the program to erase Enoshima's data. To be honest, I don't... I don't know how we kept both memories. But when we woke up, I was me instead of him, and the others still remembered. All I remember is how badly we wanted to remember each other, and our friends... I-It seems too improbable, so I just never wanted to question it. Like that would somehow cause one set of memories to collapse on itself. Or I'd wake up, and we'd still somehow be in the simulation still...
[ And that's when she stretches up, to meet his height, and hugs him.
She hugs him because of the horribleness of the situation, and what he had to go through. She hugs him because of the terrible choice he had to make that almost erased him forever.
She hugs him because his defiance and stubbornness brought him through in the end, as well as all their friends. She's upset and sad and proud of him all at once. ]
I'm glad you're okay. I'm so glad... that all of you...
[ She's pulled her goop together enough, by this point in the month, that there's no unintentional mixing. But it's still more hugging than is normal between the two of them. ]
To keep moving forward, even if it's hard... I'm so glad that you were able to do that, Hinata-kun...
[It's pure superstition, the anxiety that blooms from the yellow color around his throat and under his shirt from daring to bring up the topic. But he startles, his fears suddenly swept aside, when she hugs him.
It's such a soft, tender sentiment. She's sad for what they've been through, and not even mad for what they've done. Of course, she wouldn't be-- Hinata knows she wouldn't be, no matter how much his irrational brain would tell him she should be. But Nanami has always proved those notions wrong, being kind and understanding even when he talks about ripping apart the world.
For a moment, he stiffens up, just on instinct. But she genuinely... is just glad that they're okay.
He takes a breath, and lets it out-- he doesn't cry, not quite, but there's a soft mix of blue that swirls with the other colors inside him, and he slowly drags his own arms around her, returning the hug and grasping tight.]
I'm sorry... everything we did... I still don't understand how you can still forgive us for it all...!
[ There isn't really an easy answer to the question he asks, the same one that Komaeda asked on the beach last week. There's definitely no selfless or moral reason for it, either; Nanami's very aware of that. ]
Hinata-kun... what if it had been me, that had done all that?... [ Not Naegi and his class; not one of the other many monsters in Ryslig; Nanami herself. ] I think... you'd be there for me, too.
... But even without that ... you haven't done anything wrong to me. And you've all forgiven each other - taken care of each other.
Why wouldn't I do the same... when I care about you all so much anyway?
[ She squeezes him tighter, then. ] There's nothing to forgive. And I still love you all so much. That's really all it is, I think. I don't want to give up my best friend over something like this. Not when you were hurting so badly...
[If it had been Nanami? Of course he wouldn't care. It's practically a no-brainer; even if he was that same pathetic kid who'd never done anything in his life, before the death, the tragedies, the experiment, why would he think less of his best friend? His first friend? One of the few people that had actually cared about someone so worthless as him...
Well, maybe it really was that easy. It was easy to see why people would loath him and their friends for what they'd done, but it was just as easy to still love them anyway. It was even easy to still love Junko, despite how much he hates it.
Still, it didn't seem right. And he squeezed tighter, hunching over as he buried his own face in her shoulder.]
I watched you die...! I just stood there and listened as you bled out in front of me and I didn't do anything...! [His voice was strung out and wrought. Even for how spotty his memory was at times, the image of her struggling on the ground, in a pool of her own blood and covered in punctures is crystal clear in his mind.]
H-How can you say I've never done anything wrong to you...?!
Could he have done anything? Wasn't she too far gone? But that isn't really the crux of the issue, anyway.
Hinata couldn't have done anything, cause it hadn't been him watching. Not exactly. It had been Izuru, beaten down and hurt and abused by the school they were part of, incapable of feeling anything but despair. ]
You... [ She swallows, trying to find the right words. How can she forgive him for that? How come it's so easy? She shakes her head. ]
I don't care. We're here now, and-- and that's what matters.
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no subject
....We had to shutdown the program, because otherwise Enoshima would get out again. But doing that meant that I would... disappear. [He swallows.] The others would forget everything that had happened in the simulation, including everything our friends had done for us. N-None of us... wanted to make that decision. So for awhile, we just... didn't.
[He's a coward, he knows. He's not proud of his own indecision. But even now, trying to keep his thoughts calm and collected in the trial room, it's too easy to go back to that paralyzing fear he'd felt before, that had frozen all of them in place. The bright yellow color finally bubbles up inside him.]
...The AI Chiaki was the one that helped me finally make a decision. To keep moving towards the future, even if it was scary.... eventually everything would work out.
[He takes a breath.]
So, we chose to shutdown the program to erase Enoshima's data. To be honest, I don't... I don't know how we kept both memories. But when we woke up, I was me instead of him, and the others still remembered. All I remember is how badly we wanted to remember each other, and our friends... I-It seems too improbable, so I just never wanted to question it. Like that would somehow cause one set of memories to collapse on itself. Or I'd wake up, and we'd still somehow be in the simulation still...
no subject
She hugs him because of the horribleness of the situation, and what he had to go through. She hugs him because of the terrible choice he had to make that almost erased him forever.
She hugs him because his defiance and stubbornness brought him through in the end, as well as all their friends. She's upset and sad and proud of him all at once. ]
I'm glad you're okay. I'm so glad... that all of you...
[ She's pulled her goop together enough, by this point in the month, that there's no unintentional mixing. But it's still more hugging than is normal between the two of them. ]
To keep moving forward, even if it's hard... I'm so glad that you were able to do that, Hinata-kun...
no subject
It's such a soft, tender sentiment. She's sad for what they've been through, and not even mad for what they've done. Of course, she wouldn't be-- Hinata knows she wouldn't be, no matter how much his irrational brain would tell him she should be. But Nanami has always proved those notions wrong, being kind and understanding even when he talks about ripping apart the world.
For a moment, he stiffens up, just on instinct. But she genuinely... is just glad that they're okay.
He takes a breath, and lets it out-- he doesn't cry, not quite, but there's a soft mix of blue that swirls with the other colors inside him, and he slowly drags his own arms around her, returning the hug and grasping tight.]
I'm sorry... everything we did... I still don't understand how you can still forgive us for it all...!
no subject
Hinata-kun... what if it had been me, that had done all that?... [ Not Naegi and his class; not one of the other many monsters in Ryslig; Nanami herself. ] I think... you'd be there for me, too.
... But even without that ... you haven't done anything wrong to me. And you've all forgiven each other - taken care of each other.
Why wouldn't I do the same... when I care about you all so much anyway?
[ She squeezes him tighter, then. ] There's nothing to forgive. And I still love you all so much. That's really all it is, I think. I don't want to give up my best friend over something like this. Not when you were hurting so badly...
cw: description of graphic death
Well, maybe it really was that easy. It was easy to see why people would loath him and their friends for what they'd done, but it was just as easy to still love them anyway. It was even easy to still love Junko, despite how much he hates it.
Still, it didn't seem right. And he squeezed tighter, hunching over as he buried his own face in her shoulder.]
I watched you die...! I just stood there and listened as you bled out in front of me and I didn't do anything...! [His voice was strung out and wrought. Even for how spotty his memory was at times, the image of her struggling on the ground, in a pool of her own blood and covered in punctures is crystal clear in his mind.]
H-How can you say I've never done anything wrong to you...?!
no subject
Could he have done anything? Wasn't she too far gone? But that isn't really the crux of the issue, anyway.
Hinata couldn't have done anything, cause it hadn't been him watching. Not exactly. It had been Izuru, beaten down and hurt and abused by the school they were part of, incapable of feeling anything but despair. ]
You... [ She swallows, trying to find the right words. How can she forgive him for that? How come it's so easy? She shakes her head. ]
I don't care. We're here now, and-- and that's what matters.